LINK: Writing Prompt Paper 2-2.
150 word comment:
I really liked your introduction paragraph. I think I did a good job at introducing both of the authors. The one thing I think that each of your paragraphs could use is more. All of them are pretty short and I think that it would make a world of difference if you would take some time to back up more of your claims in your paragraphs. Other than that the only other issue I found was that you needed to go back and look at the way you worded a lot of your sentences. I would recommend going back and rereading your paper and I think that once you do that you will realize that some of the sentences’ structures are a little out of order. Overall I think you did a very good job and I think that your paper will be easily fixed!
-Emma Nelson
Evidence of Global and Local Revision: (My comments are the purple comments)
During the peer review process I found that it was really helpful to look at a peers paper and go over their ideas, evidence, and organization. For my peer review on this paper I did a lot of global revisions and a few local revisions as well. Comment number 25 is suggesting that my peer should talk more about one topic that I think would give her paper more fuel instead of moving on to something else. I would consider this comment to fit into the category of ideas because it’s adding to the peers main claim of her thesis. Comment number 5 is an example of adding evidence to my peers paragraph because I was asking her to go into more depth about the argument and ask a question to help her come up with more evidence to add to this particular paragraph. Another comment that attempts to add more evidence to my peer’s paper is comment number 15. This comment is another question, which enables my peer to add more evidence and support to her main argument of the paragraph. Another thing that I commented on in my peers paper is her organization. An example of a recommendation for organization in my peers essay would be comment number 4, I suggest that my peer should make one sentence into two because this would help her paper flow better. Another example is comment number 10 where I suggest that she break a sentence into two different sentences again. I noticed that I commented on this a number of times in my peers paper in order to help her paper flow better and more smooth for the reader.
