Blog Post #7

Conclusion Paragraph #1:

In all, I think that you could argue either sides but I don’t think I, personally, would not like to live in a world where art didn’t exist. I think that art, whether its a painting, music, photographs, film, dance, or poetry, is vital for the sanity of the human race. Without self expression art, I think that many people would have all of these feeling bottled up because they can’t find the words to express what they feel. I think that helping others is also very important, but people can be helped while art is still being created. I don’t think it needs to be one or the other, world development and expression in the form of art can coexist.

Conclusion Paragraph edited:

In all, I think that you could argue either sides. Although I would have to agree that this world would be unliveable without art. I think that art, whether its a painting, music, photographs, film, dance, or poetry, is vital for the sanity of the human race. Without self expressive art, many people would struggle to find a way to convey their thoughts and feelings, leaving many people bottled up and possibly overwhelmed. I think that helping others is also very important, but people can be helped while art is still being created. I don’t think it needs to be one or the other. World development and self expression can coexist in the form of art, helping change lives around the world.

I feel that the changes I made to this paragraph made it read smoother. The conclusion sentence flows a lot better now than it did before. I think that this paragraph now ties in better with the introduction paragraph.

Second Body Paragraph:

Now, when the subject of art is brought up, you will quickly learn that they are not supporters of that path. Southan found out the hard way. While on the trip with the group, he imagined the speech from Steven Soderbergh’s 2001 Oscar acceptance speech, the most impactful part, “I think this world would be unlivable without art.” While of course Southan never said this aloud to the EA members, he quickly learned that everyone would strong disagree with that statement. They would argue that there are far more important, vital things that would make this world unliveable. Things like clean water, vaccinations, fresh food, shelter, warm clothes, and many other material goods that many people in developed countries, like the United states don’t have to really worry about, in other words, we have easy access to those luxury goods and many more. The EA members work to not only provide for themselves and their family, they send a portion of their earnings to families less developed countries to provide others with some financial support. But the question we want answered today is, “is art a waste of time?”

Edited:

Now, when the subject of art is brought up, you will quickly learn that they are not supporters of that path. Southan found out the hard way. While on the trip with the group, he imagined the speech from Steven Soderbergh’s 2001 Oscar acceptance speech, the most impactful part, “I think this world would be unlivable without art.” While of course Southan never said this aloud to the EA members, he quickly learned that everyone would strongly disagree with that statement. They would argue that there are far more important, vital things that would make this world unliveable. Things like clean water, vaccinations, fresh food, shelter, warm clothes, and many other material goods that many people in underdeveloped countries don’t have access to, countries like the United States don’t really have to worry about. In other words, the U.S. has easy access to those luxury goods and many more that other countries don’t have access to. The EA members work to not only provide for themselves and their family, they also send a portion of their earnings to families in less developed countries. They do this to provide others with some financial support, with the hopes that this influences their wellbeing.

For this paragraph I had to do something similar to the conclusion. I think that the hardest thing for me to do I make my thoughts make sense on paper. So my main goal was the clean up this paragraph to make it more fluent and smooth. I think that my edits really helped break up some of the confusion and make it more clear. I also needed to make the conclusion sentence connect with the rest of my sentence and I think I achieved that.